Zambrano leaves Cubs thirsty

The Cubs are dying, but it’s not in the pennant race. After a classic meltdown by Cubs ace Carlos Zambrano, the lovable losers were left without the team’s biggest asset: its Gatorade dispenser.   Zambrano smashed the team’s drink machine after becoming enraged upon his ejection for arguing a call with the home plate umpire. All over the friendly confines of Wrigley field players became sick from dehydration following his actions.

“I hit a go ahead homerun in the 8th inning,” said the Cubs’ Reed Johnson. “Then I get back to the bench and the Gatorade machine is broken. I sat down for about a minute and immediately began throwing up.” Chicago catcher Geovany Soto, who was spotted underneath the dugout convulsing with stomach cramps, wished he was as lucky as Johnson.  Soto was taken to the local hospital and had to receive IV fluids before being released.  In addition,  manager Lou Pinella was visibly agitated and upset following the Cubs’ 5-2 victory. When asked what had him so annoyed today, he simply answered,  “You guys know damn well that I can’t unwind without my Gatorade Arctic Blast.”

Hours after the game, a more relaxed Carlos Zambrano emerged from the locker room and agreed to speak to reporters. “Obviously, I was very angry with home plate umpire Mark Carlson about the call,” said Zambrano. “I then used the anger I had to finally destroy the evil Gatorade machine. Everyone in this organization knows that I only drink PowerAde.”

There is no word yet on whether or not Zambrano will be suspended by Major League Baseball, but the Cubs have forced him to pay for a new Gatorade dispenser.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 28th, 2009 at 7:40 am and is filed under Baseball, Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.