Mets recall cardboard cutout of Johan Santana

The New York Mets have had  major issues with their starting pitching this season.   From Oliver Perez, to Jon Niese, to Tim Redding, the 5^th starter spot has been a nightmare for the Mets.  However, the team made a major move to help their injury plagued  team today by recalling a cardboard cutout of Johan Santana from the minor leagues.

“We have decided to give cardboard Johan a chance to start this week against Philadelphia, ” said Mets general manager Omar Minaya. “He throws more strikes than Perez and has more poise on the mound than Redding . He just stares you down into submission at the plate.  I think he is the answer we’ve been looking for.” Cardboard Johan has been tearing up AAA and has a record of 7-2  with a 2.90 ERA and 98 strikeouts with the Buffalo Bisons.  Known for his high velocity fastballs and devastating change-ups, scouts say he has only one weakness. “Cardboard Johan has all the right tools,” said one anonymous major league scout. “His only weakness is pitching in wet weather.  When it rains he crumbles and literally falls apart.”

Cardboard Johan says he is “nervous” and “hopes he can help the team,”  but the Mets are confident they can count on him. “You’ll be hard pressed to find a better pitcher in the game than the real Johan Santana,” said Mets manager Jerry Manuel. “Our thought here is, if you can have the best pitcher in the game pitch twice, you’ll have a chance at more wins.” As long as the rain holds off, cardboard Johan is expected to face off against the Phillies’ ace Cole Hamels on Wednesday night at Citi Field.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 8th, 2009 at 8:27 am and is filed under Baseball, Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.